Inner life of a blog

I never would have thought it would develop its own dynamics. As you have noticed, I have not mentioned a lot of Romania lately, bar to upload some photos. I’m still here though, working on my topic, interviewing people, trying to be as little awkward as possible. I’m doing a lot of thinking and writing about that to myself, and in view of the future, so I feel less of a need to speak about it here. While you may have gotten the idea that I am having a hell of a time, let me just say: not quite. It is very difficult to be here, and do the kind of work I attempt to do at the moment. But it is not all bad, and I am not unhappy, although I am complaining a lot and often get discouraged: some things are beautiful, some things make me happy, I try to be less tired, and more productive, and ready to learn more every day. People are hospitable, and sweet and friendly to me, and I enjoy the mountains. Two things I have not managed to accommodate myself with, and they are both related to politeness. I know, writing this, that this is something I need to overcome, and that it is related to very deep-seated ways of thinking about yourself and how one has come to act towards the world. First: I would like to say that it ain’t so, but I feel I really cannot rely on a majority of people. I know they have a lot of problems of their own, and are busy to make a living and a life, but why then do they promise things so lightly? And then break the promise and an ever so slight bit of my heart? I’ve come to expect very little when a promise is made to me, and yet it still affects me. Second: people in the village are not used to foreigners and do not give them much of a chance beyond superficialities. It makes me think about the times I possibly have made someone feel like I have given them no chance, and just put them into the ‘weird’ or ‘boring’ category and walked off without giving it a second thought. I sometimes have very little to say, given the language when no opening is made, and it is all highly internal talk. And my being in Britain for so long has made me too accommodating and for some reason makes me come across as insincere and indifferent in Romania. There is something about the rhetoric and how it works around here that I still haven’t understood or learnt.