Strong emotions, I think, do not leave us, once we have gone through them. They remain. They never fade. They are merely backgrounded, to be reactivated on occasion. This is why they can appear so scary. ‘When the truth is, I miss you.’
We are all wrestling with the fractures we carry with ourselves. Nothing out of the ordinary. Life in all its messiness. Like Peter Panter (Kurt Tucholsky) has said:
“Nicht nur du allein. Nicht nur ich allein. Jeder hat, um es mit einem Wort zu sagen, die unaufgeräumte kleine Schublade, auf die jeder so stolz ist, als habe er sie ganz allein.” (Uhu, Jg. 7, Heft 9, Juni 1931, S. 72-76)
I am feverish again today, after a long time of feeling good. It blows all emotions out of proportion; it makes me fragile and wishing I was not here. I will sleep it off.
1 comment:
Hello,
I hope you have managed to put the nightmares behind you and remind you that you don't have to blame yourself for emotions that break down the door to your consciousness every now and then, uninvited, and most certainly unwelcome. Everybody has them, I think, "nicht nur du allein". What sets people apart is how they are able to deal with them. But the fever means that you are emotionally alive and that can only be a good thing. Just take a breather. Good times will come again.
Post a Comment