Movements

Why is it that, now that I am leaving for a bit, I notice all these things I have not done, and yet, at the same time, my mind is already bouncing off Edward Wright building and walking up College Bounds. My vision of the present becomes more acute, I am perceiving people and things intensely emotionally, as if for the first time. Threat of absence makes impressions stronger. Yet I am already preparing my luggage in my mind, when I should be focusing on what is at stake here. When I am in one village, I think about all the people who might be home in the other one, and when I walk to the other one, I remember what I forgot to do at home. The issue is closely connected to my needing to remain flexible, because people resist being nailed down to an hour and a place, and so I need to learn differently, and ‘be like a running brook’ (K. Gibran) that seizes opportunities and passages, and forgets about those that cannot be. Insistence is vain because it does not work that way, time has a different quality, and there are a lot of routes through the mountains. Yet, it is hard not to lose one’s bearings at times, with all the noise, the randomness, the stories, another kind of importance stressed, the deferring of time and the insistence on things that I had neglected. Why all this tugging of my being to be with my family, who are in one place, with my friends, mainly in a second place, when I am in a third one. Why all this being longing. Why all this being fragmented. Why all this time spent thinking about the other, having the feeling that time rushes with all this occupation, and, also, waiting for movements coming together.
16.04.07